When the Mirror Makes You Mad

Let’s talk about being angry after being wronged. Because a lot of people think anger means you’re not healed, but it doesn’t. It just means you felt it. I used to think being angry made me less spiritual, like I wasn’t walking in forgiveness or faith if I admitted I was mad. I used to rush to say, “It’s straight” or “I’m over it,” when really, I was still replaying the moment in my head.

I’ve had people lie on me, disrespect me, twist my words, and then play victim when they were the ones who did wrong. I gave grace, I gave loyalty, I gave love and they gave me betrayal. And yes, I got angry. Pissed even.

But here’s what God had to show me: sometimes the same demons I’m complaining about in other people are the same ones still hiding in me. It’s easy to point out someone else’s wrongs and miss how familiar they actually feel.

I had to realize… I wasn’t just mad at them, I was mad at the reflection. Mad that I once moved just like that. Mad that I once tolerated what I now call toxic. Mad that I once used silence to manipulate or distance to punish, the same behaviors I now can’t stand in others. See, sometimes what triggers you in somebody else is really what’s still unhealed in you.

That’s why I didn’t leave when I should’ve. That’s why I kept going back to what broke me. Because part of me recognized those same demons, rejection, pride, the need to be chosen, the fear of being alone. And as much as I wanted to say, “It’s them,” I had to face the part of me that was still feeding the cycle.

God had to sit me down and say, “You’re not just angry at them for doing it, you’re angry at yourself for allowing it.” That one hurt. But it freed me. Because awareness is always the first step. You can’t get rid of what you’re still coddling. Once I saw it clearly, my anger shifted. It stopped being about blame and started being about responsibility. I started asking, “Lord, what are You trying to show me through this?” instead of “Why did they do me like that?” And that’s where the healing starts to unfold.

Anger isn’t bad. It’s a message. It’s your spirit saying, “That wasn’t okay.” But if you hold on to it too long, it’ll start to hold you. So I had to stop trying to pray my anger away and start praying through it. I had to tell God the truth: “Lord, I’m mad as hell. I’m hurt. I’m pissed off. I don’t understand. And honestly, I don’t even want to forgive right now.” And God didn’t shame me for that. He met me right there in the middle of my honesty.

Healing doesn’t mean pretending something didn’t hurt. It means being real about it, giving it to God, and choosing not to let it poison who you’re becoming. You can forgive and still feel angry sometimes. You can move on and still remember what happened. Forgiveness isn’t pretending, it’s protection.

I’ve been having to forgive people who never apologized. I’ve made peace with things that will never make sense to me. Not because they deserved it but because I deserved peace. Because I refuse to let what they did keep me from being the best woman I can be.

And as I’m growing, I’m learning to release. To recognize the ache. To release the need to control. To receive the grace God offers today. To risk believing again. And to rest, not because everything is resolved, but because God will always make sure I’m straight.

So yeah, I’ve been angry. I’ve cried those deep prayers that came out more like pain than words. I’ve sat in silence replaying conversations that never got closure. But God used that same anger to teach me boundaries. To strengthen my discernment. To remind me that peace sometimes looks like distance.

Being angry after being wronged doesn’t mean you’re unhealed, it means you’re aware. It means you’ve reached a point in your healing where you can tell the truth about yourself and others without bitterness.

So if you’re angry right now, don’t run from it. Feel it. Talk to God about it. Let Him show you what’s still hiding in you that He’s ready to heal. And then release it, not because they fixed it, but because you refuse to let it fix you in a place you’ve already outgrown.

Peace